New Beginnings

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So I’m on the precipice of what I hope will be a successful journey in growth.  Of course though, I find myself struggling with self-doubt, worry, frustration, and just overall freak out.  As much as I would like to think I have worked to evolve from these initial freak outs, I’m just not there yet:)  It’s funny, I work with clients to support them as they overcome these worries, insecurities, self-doubts and I know how to do it for myself but it is amazing the power our thoughts have over us.  In one instant, I find myself overcome with excitement to harboring negative thoughts about my ability to succeed or accomplish any of the things I have planned.  So I bring myself back to the work that I do and I focus inward.  I push out the thoughts, settle into the breath and find the resolve that I am looking for.  But, it’s not working!  So now what!  What do I do on the days that the mind is over riding my natural skills?  What do I do when I can’t get out of my own head?  I try to find support in the external, but it’s not working, I try to distract, but it’s not working, I try to ignore but it is so persistent that I just can’t get rid of it.  So… the only thing I know to do is watch Kung Fu Panda 3:)  OK, so I know that was totally random, but I promise it will make sense in a minute.  Here goes…

Last night I found myself with only one kiddo, husband out of town and an entire night to figure out what to do.  At first I was overwhelmed..  My mind won’t stop and I get more afraid when I am going to have too much free time to listen to it or figure out how to shut it off.  But, I went with it and worked to stay in the present.  Sometimes the key really is acceptance.  Accepting that my brain has run amok and trusting that I will regain composure….. eventually.  I was looking forward to having time with only one kiddo because well, that rarely happens, so I allowed the moments with him to distract me and keep me present.  I watched him smile at strangers, act goofy out of excitement, assist me with little tasks and tell me he loved me more than once.  I allowed myself the freedom to just indulge in the moment and it was working.  So when we sat down to watch Kung Fu Panda 3 I just thought it would be a simple animated movie that this particular kiddo would love because he hasn’t outgrown animation like my other two.  But, of course, as the universe always does it left me with a little nugget of powerful wisdom.  There was a quote in the movie that said,

“If you never do more than you can do, you will never be more than you are”

What!…from an animated movie I’m getting this profound thought?!  This really will teach me to listen and be present because even the most random experience has the potential to give you guidance. 

Unfortunately, I fell asleep half way through the movie because, let’s be honest, obsessing and over thinking is really exhausting!  So, I plan to sit with this little nugget today and understand the significance it has on me in this moment.  Even as I am writing this and letting those words sink in I feel my shoulders relax, my head lighten up, and clarity begin to emerge.  So…. with this new big step of allowing myself to grow personally and professionally I will try to remember that I do have the power to overcome the spiral of negative thinking even if it takes a small animated Kung Fu master to help me see it:)

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